July 13, 2012
Friday the 13th
Now we come to the reason for my blogging. The Cumorah Pageant.
Or maybe it’s the reason behind the reason. Family. It’s been a week since the
first day at Pageant, and I’m going to work backward, starting with yesterday: Friday
the 13th. I don’t believe in ‘luck’, good or bad, but I do believe
that God has a sense of humor, and that he knows what’s best for us. I wonder
if God laughs or smiles lovingly down on us when we freak out about a text not
sending, slow internet, lost keys, or getting upset about silly crushes. I
wonder, because, most of our short lasting frustrations are exactly this- silly
and trivial. Life will go on, and I’ve decided that the inconvenience that happened
yesterday was only a small setback.
I was on my way to get changed into my costume and needed to
stop by the ladies room. Today was a special day, because I decided that I was
going to be happy. No matter what happened. Besides grumping at my father when
he tried to wake me up from my sticky nap, I think I did pretty well. I left
the bathroom and when I was halfway in front of the stage I realized that my cheerful
hop/saunter toward the changing rooms was too light. A few seconds later I
realized the lack of weight was from my missing purse. I ran back, looking in
each stall (each next one more heart dropping than the last) and finally after
three times looking in the stalls I finally let myself realize that there was
no purse. Gone. Either a good person picked it up and was turning it in or a sad
and deprived person took it for themselves. You know the idea: ‘my purse has my
whole life in it?’ so when people ask what’s in your purse, you could say, ‘my
whole life’. My first gut feeling was exactly that. Phone. Wallet. Camera.
Phone with numbers. Phone with pictures. Phone with texts from Risa. Wallet
with important info. Wallet with debit card. Camera with photos. Camera with
memories. Memories, little trinkets I’d been carrying around. If you, too, are
facing denial at my dilemma, as I did, it’s true. It’s gone.
What’s gone though? My whole life wasn’t in that purse. I
have my family, I have my faith, I have my life- you can take anything away
from me, but there are things and truths that are more important that no one
will ever be able to take away from me. Don’t get me wrong, it took a few
tears, prayers, and devotional speakers and hymns to realize this. Now I’m
laughing with God; laughing that I should be sad over losing a few toys from
earth. I can judge for myself what things are really important to me. If I
spend time thinking about things that make me sad, when it accomplishes
nothing, then maybe God isn’t necessarily laughing, at least not mockingly. “One
day, you’ll see. You’ll see how I see.” I can hear Him saying that to me, with
the voice from the Cumorah Pagaent recording.
After canceling my debit card (A little shout out to my
angel Lauren who patiently waited as I canceled my debit card) I went out to greet
people coming into the ‘bowl’, the place that can easily sit 9000 facing the majestic
stage. After talking to a few people with my companion, Lauren, my heart
started to lift. This was what life was about, not my lost purse. At times I
almost forgot that I’d been worrying so. One of the first families that we
talked to was a family where the mother and daughter were not members of the
church. The father was sure to mention that as we were talking to them. It was
fun, it didn’t feel awkward, it was like I was talking to anyone else, but this
time I had a burning in my heart and I wanted to share what made me so happy. I
was able to share a scripture, I had the husband read it and I bore my
testimony; that I knew that God blesses those that keep his commandments. Just
like he did for Lehi and his family coming to the Americas. (If you don’t know
what I’m talking about, read the Book of Mormon, it’s my favorite (: ) Then I
got to talk to members, connecting, making others smile. Having little girls
run up to me and freeze and stare at me- and realize that they were shy. After
mother’s encouraging them, one wanted a picture with me and another one wanted
my signature. Let me tell you, there’s no greater compliment than having a
child desire my attention.
Long hours in the sun and drowning in the air all week paid
off. Excitement does dance in the air, I’ve witnessed it myself, when with
smiles we walked onto stage for the first scene on opening night last night.
Energy as we walked, smiled, and waved. From the far left, staring at the
stage, I could see the rest of the 700+ cast members march their way up in the
processional. There’s something special when you personally heal the heart of
another, there’s also something special about being part of something big and
coming together in harmony and unity in something like the Cumorah Pageant.
There’s power in numbers, I have a testimony of that, now more than ever.
Kenzie said she didn’t meet any of other faiths, but all the
same, there were people who needed to talk to someone. Everyone needs someone
to talk to, to connect to, to feel important to. The Pageant is a lot like EFY,
or girls camp, but for everyone. We’re put into teams, and when we’re not
rehearsing or eating, then we’re playing games, getting to know one another, or
having small devotionals with our cast teams. I’m in ‘S-8’, and as I’ve taught
this ten year old boy to say, “S8 is great!”, and he couldn’t have it any more
right. We have each other, we have God, and we have the opportunity to reach
out to those in the audience.
I reached out with my hand and found Josh, my brother. We
were walking off after the scene when Christ visited the Americas. Side by side
we walked a few memorable steps and he smiled at me, “I love you, Chelsea.” I
felt my heart fill with an overwhelming feeling, and I’d never felt more proud
to have the family that I had. “I love you too, Josh.” I don’t think my words
had ever been truer. We split ways to get changed out of our heavy draped
clothing.
Whether it was when I ran down the stage waving my handkerchief
with a smile, reaching into the sky as I “look for that day” when Christ comes, or
reaching up as Christ ascended into the heavens once more- I felt this
confidence and love and I knew I was feeling the Holy Ghost as I performed.
There’s no real way to explain it. Sister Pelo (sweetest lady with short hair
like mine), who volunteers in costuming, was talking with some other staff
about the performance. “I was sitting behind some others, you know, cheering
and calling out in the destruction scene and other exciting scenes. But the end
was just amazing, the silence. It got dark and there was just a powerful
silence over the whole crowd, no applause.” I stood there and listened to them
talk about it for a little bit. I felt a smile working through every part of my
body, earlier I’d been listening for an ending applause, but silence by the
Spirit of God is more flattering than a loud congratulations.
Everyone’s tired, everyone’s feeling accomplished, maybe
thinking about things we could do better for our next performance, today. It
was late, but we were all ready for devotional. Voices in the distance make my
stomach feel sick, and I wasn’t sure why until I realized that it was the protestors’
snarls. The show had been done for a good forty-five minutes, but they were
still out there with their loud words. Loud. How did our guests feel as they
walked out? Ashamed? Confused? Could they feel the difference between the heavy
golden silence after the show and the loud vibrating darkness that exposed the
protestors? Did they feel angry? Sad? I can tell you what I felt. Remorse. Not
for me, but for them, the protestors. I felt so bad for them, that they would
spend hours out there, probably feeling more alone than we were. For we sat
together in the study shelter and sang multiple hymns, and especially belted
out from the bottom of our hearts the Cumorah Song. “If you have felt a change
in your heart, and sung the song of redeeming love, then come unto Jesus our
Savior”. I felt a change, I feel change, always around me and encompassing me. I
already have faith, but I am not perfect. I’m so grateful that I have the
atonement that allows me to continually change, and I have a testimony that I
have the power to do so because of Jesus Christ.
It was midnight when we got back into Zion’s camp, where we’re
staying, but ice cream and friends are always worth the wait in line at munch
and mingle. I have a friend, Michael, and we stood in line in silence and few
words. He played some badminton with our line buddy Camden. As I watched him
play I wondered what would have happened if I hadn’t met Michael or Camden. Or
my cast team, or Mike(there are a lot of Michaels...). Michael and Mike have
been supreme examples to me when it comes to loving children. When either are
talking to those younger or reaching out to them, I can see the love and
kindness they feel towards the younger ones. Last night it only added more joy
to the sleepiness that was slowly inching its way in my legs. Michael and I
were both exhausted, but we both wanted ice cream, and even though I was tired,
I wasn’t really sleepy. I still felt excited and wanted to be awake and to
continue feeling the good feelings from the Pageant. After ice cream we walked
down one of the few paths that there are in Zion’s camp. Occasionally looking
up at the stars. God is necessary. And though I have a hard time making close
friends, I think it’s necessary to have someone to look up into the stars with.
Or to talk to, like Cole. More and more I’m thanking my Heavenly Father that I
am where I am, because I know He’ll never lead me astray and if I continue to
grow closer to Him, I’ll always be where I need to be.
PS: http://www.buffalonews.com/city/article947770.ece
Here’s an article of my father getting interviewed yesterday about the Pageant.
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